DEAR ABBY: I’m a retired Marine who married my supervisor’s daughter. I’ll name her “Zoe.” He and I had been good mates. Zoe and I divorced in 1997. In the course of the marriage, I came upon that he was not her actual father. It was a household secret that by accident bought out.
Zoe and I had a daughter, “Ellie.” Once I found when she was 13 that she wasn’t mine, I used to be livid. I ultimately accepted Ellie as my very own as a result of I used to be the one father she had ever recognized, and it wouldn’t change something.
Now, years later, I’ve remarried and raised two stepsons as my very own. Ellie has three youngsters. Typically, I need to inform her the reality, and different occasions, I simply need to depart all this alone. What ought to I actually do? — HISTORY REPEATS IN ALABAMA
DEAR H.R.: You’re a caring, accountable man. I’ll assume that you just and Ellie have a heat, ongoing relationship. Your daughter deserves to know that whilst you have at all times cherished her, you aren’t her organic father. Does anybody know who he could also be? That is necessary data she would possibly need to have in case there are well being issues that run in bio-dad’s household that could possibly be handed right down to her youngsters.
DEAR ABBY: 4 months in the past, my 15-year-old oldest little one was killed in a automobile accident. It has been actually exhausting. My husband and I are doing our greatest to maintain our youthful youngsters and put our lives again collectively.
One factor I don’t know what to do about is all of the mail I’ve obtained from my estranged family members. None of them got here for the service, however aunts, uncles, cousins and even my dad’s ex-wife wrote playing cards and condolence letters. It’s all paper mail as a result of I’ve an unlisted cellphone quantity and personal e mail deal with and don’t use social media to allow them to’t observe me. There are good explanation why we haven’t been in contact.
I wouldn’t have the vitality to restart these relationships, particularly not now, however I additionally really feel the letters had been despatched with type intent and ignoring them can be chilly. Is there a technique to acknowledge the (minimal) assist with out opening Pandora’s field? I suppose I need to discharge the social obligation of replying so I will be well mannered with out dropping the wholesome distance I’ve been capable of set up. — DISTANT IN ALASKA
DEAR DISTANT: Please settle for my deepest sympathy for the tragic and premature lack of your little one. Since you really feel socially obligated to acknowledge the condolences your loved ones despatched, take into account shopping for (or having printed) commonplace playing cards that say, “The household of (clean) acknowledge with gratitude your type expression of sympathy.” It might be a heat and gracious contact so as to add, if potential, a couple of handwritten phrases to every one. As a result of you possibly can’t ship love, they want solely be, “We hope you and your loved ones are properly,” and signal your title.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
