Howdy, I wish to get the outcomes of a latest routine check.
Have you ever logged in to your affected person portal?
No.
Why not?
It’s actually the very last thing I wish to do.
Log in to the portal.
I don’t wish to must create one other password, and in addition reply a bunch of safety questions, as a way to entry a portal that I’ll use actually every year, if that, for the John Lockridge and Daisy Sarno Dermatology Middle.
Talking of which, why don’t you examine this field to obtain updates about merchandise from the John Lockridge and Daisy Sarno Dermatology Middle?
Why would I try this? Why would I examine that field? Who on earth would need updates on merchandise from a dermatology heart? You notice that I’m a human being, proper? Flesh, blood, hopes, desires? I hate plagues; love sunsets, waterslides, and urgent my cheek in opposition to a scorching metallic elephant in a sculpture park. And also you suppose I’d ever click on “sure” to obtain updates on new merchandise from a medical facility? What’s the idea right here? Like, what do you suppose we people are doing all day? Consuming shit and ready for alternatives to obtain updates on dermatological merchandise?
Deal with yo’ self, ninja! By logging in to this portal.
Right here are some things I’d somewhat do than log in to a portal: Get three mosquito bites. Drive all the way in which to Encino to have one thing notarized. Make mates with somebody solely to comprehend that she’s a terrifyingly lifelike picket doll.
Let’s interact in some fast position play. You could be the Fool.
Fool: Excuse me, ma’am? However have you learnt how I can put my well being on blast in a couple of easy steps?
Well being-Care Business (me): [Screaming while handing you a baggie full of fire ants] With the affected person portal, beeeeeeeeeeeeeyiiiiiiiitch!!!
If I’m going to have interaction with any form of portal, I need it to be a cool portal, just like the fantasy sort. I would love it to take me to a different dimension, or one other world. I wish to slalom by grids, traipse by a mystical purple sea, or suppose that I’m within the desert once I’m really inside a magical elk.
See above, relating to what you’re gonna must do to see your silly check outcomes. (Log in to the portal.)
You notice that you simply’re a part of the rationale why there are such a lot of “deaths of despair” lately, proper? I’m not saying it’s your fault totally, simply that you simply’re a part of the final image.
Additionally, you’ve a random forty-dollar invoice to pay that doesn’t make any sense and also you’re going to be too lazy to contest it.
Effectively, I suppose that’s one factor we agree on! ♦
